Dwarves Tour Diary: Pt. 4 – December 8 & 9

Punk legends The Dwarves are currently on tour, and their frontman Blag Dahlia, took the time out of his busy schedule to share his feelings about life on the road. Check out the final installment of the Dwarves’ tour diary.

December 8: Atlanta at Star Bar

Today it was Nick’s turn to be sick. He moaned piteously for much of the six-hour drive to Atlanta, refusing to see a doctor under any circumstances. Meanwhile, The Fresh Prince had an allergic reaction to over-the-counter cold medicine, his face swelling up like a balloon and giant welts sprouting across his back. I began to think the wrath of God might have finally descended on this band after years of encouraging sex, drugs and the exaltation of Satan. Snupac, meanwhile looks great and is visibly fed up with his ancient tour mates and their bodily misfortunes.

When we finally arrive at the hotel, I tell Nick he looks terrible and we should cancel the show. He waves me off and falls asleep with his clothes on and a cigarette burning between his fingers. Four hours later he’s up and ready to play. I feel bad at having blown off last night, when tonight Rex Everything exhibits the kind of never-say-die attitude that made this band notorious in the first place. He continues to be my rock ‘n’ roll hero, a giant whether he’s playing with us, or Mondo Generator, or just screaming his brains out acoustic. He never quits; he never complains; he never surrenders, and I salute him from the bottom of my blackened soul.

The show was fun, as Atlanta always is, with plenty of gyrating cuties up front and several folks who knew every word to every song. Nothing buoys my spirit more than knowing that I’ve rented space in a little corner of your brain with these twisted thoughts of mine. I think of the records I’ve committed to memory, how they have shaped and defined every aspect of my life, and I feel good. Groovy folks from bands tonight include Nashville Pussy and the Queers, both of whom I have great memories of touring with. Next time we get out to Atlanta, we want to record at Joe Queer’s place; he’s a great songwriter and proud holder of the title first punk on the scene, last one still standing.

Dwarves

December 9: Nashville at Eastside Bowl

This was a $5 punk show to promote the Nashville Punk Rock Flea Market and benefit Toys For Tots. The Dwarves aren’t generally the most altruistic band, but we like to help out where we can, if only because it confuses people.

There are lots of booths here with lots of vinyl. I always thought of the Dwarves as a record head’s band because I’m a record head, and the Dwarves put every bit of juice we have into making the coolest records we possibly can, full of genre shifts, high production value, guest cameos, and everything else we can think of. But the reality of how one is perceived is often far different than we might think.

While record heads will fall all over themselves for shoe gazer bands, and prog bands, and insufferable internet couple bands, they largely ignore punk records. I can’t really blame them because punk records tend to really suck unless they’re Dwarves records. Our new Concept Album is our best one yet, which seems hard to believe 40 years into a career of almost total obscurity, but there it is. Of course, we can’t help it if some hipster would rather crank an unlistenable Tame Impala bootleg than check out a new Dwarves record. As I’ve often said, you can lead a whore to water, but you can’t make them think.

The biblical plague aspect of our tour continued as an actual tornado descended, ultimately killing six in greater Nashville, including three in Madison, TN right where the Punk Rock Flea Market was held. Rain poured down, lights flickered on and off, but it couldn’t stop the enthusiasm of record heads at the signing booth collecting autographs and pictures, not just of Dwarves records, but also Snupac’s Get a Grip, and Rex Everything’s Mondo Generator. (Apparently, word has spread far and wide about the fire breathing monster that is the Dwarves extended posse of sound. In fact, the Fresh Price and I are considering releasing a duet record of his flatulence mixed with my nose blowing for a hair-raising holiday treat.) Special thanks to Mac Wallace who organized the event and Phil Hill from Idol Time who got the Dwarves the gig.

And of course, we were spectacular. In fact, there wasn’t a bad show on this tour, booked by our old friend Hunter Down from Decent Criminal, but this one felt like the biggie so we pulled out all the stops: pyro, leggy dancing girls, stage sets borrowed from Taylor’s ‘Eras’ tour etc. As throngs of Korean tourists snapped photos we mounted the Dwarves private plane and flew off into the sunset, Lloyd snapping on his aviator shades as we cleared Nashville airspace…

Dwarves

That’s about it from the Fresh Prince of Darkness, Rex Everything, Snupac and me. Later this month, we’ll play with Zeke in Seattle and Portland, and ring in the New Year back home in San Francisco with the notorious Pussy Riot at the newly remodeled Kilowatt. Stay tuned for more adventures of the greatest Rock ‘n’ Roll band of All Time, the Last Punk Band, the Best Looking Men in Show Business—THE DWARVES!!!

Follow The Dwarves on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter to keep up with their latest antics.

Photos courtesy of The Dwarves.

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