Mental health is a prominent issue within the music community, so New Noise Magazine reached out to a diverse group of artists and asked them to speak about their personal experiences with mental illness. This is an exclusive ongoing spotlight—coinciding with Issue #31, The Mental Health Issue, of the print magazine—that showcases a refreshing transparency on the struggles many individuals face and the coping mechanisms they’ve developed to overcome them.
Joe Gregory of J GRGRY
Seattle-based dark electro-pop outfit, J GRGRY, is the brainchild of recording and performing artist Joe Gregory, in collaboration with his “who’s who” collection of bandmates: Ryan Leyva, Robert Cheek, and Steven Barci. Formed in 2015, J GRGRY is a culmination of Gregory’s years of blood, sweat, and tears—both within the industry and in his personal life. His vision finally became a tangible reality on February 10 with the release of the band’s debut EP, Gold Teeth + Glass Eyes.
Are there any personal experiences with mental health issues you’d like to share?
I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. I have endured more than a decade of alcoholism and am currently three years sober as of last February. I also experience panic attacks, crippling social anxiety, and the cavalcade of intensely self-abusive thoughts that turn violent on myself when those symptoms arise.
How does your mental health status interact with or inform the way you make music?
It’s a delicate balance, my mental health and the way that interplays with songwriting. I have heard the proclamation many times that “depression must be great for songwriting!” For me, depression is debilitating, like a powerful lead jacket that pulls me down towards the ground and makes even the simplest tasks feel like feats of Olympic strength.
What are some mechanisms you’ve developed and/or discovered that help you cope?
I have to be extremely conscious of the mental health tools I have implemented in my life. If I don’t carve out time for meditation and yoga daily or stay consistent with acupuncture and mental therapy on a weekly basis, it is only a matter of a few days before my symptoms become paramount and leave me reeling for solid ground.
Are there ways you think the music world could better accommodate and/or include those living with mental illness?
Honestly, I think articles and conversations like this, are one of the great first steps we can take to creating a safer and healthier environment. The mental health conversation throughout my life has always had such a negative stigma. The more the negative sentiments are perpetuated, the lonelier and more isolated people like myself can become. This was especially true in my younger days where I didn’t have the infrastructure and tools in place to help me manage my illness. For me, when I felt that isolation, I tried to dig in harder and isolate myself further and drink myself into complete numbness every single day.
There is a history of mental health issues running rampant through my family for generations, and I was only made aware of the diagnoses and stories of struggling with these things in the last couple years. It’s unfortunate I didn’t feel strong enough to talk about these things when I was younger so I could gather helpful information and start healing and managing better. Had I read articles with musicians I looked up to as a kid, and these kind of conversations were happening, I believe it would have had a profound impact on me in seeking help and understanding mental health issues.
It’s no different from someone suffering with any other disease in that we need to open dialogue and share experiences so that people know they aren’t alone. We should comfort and encourage those in need and let them know that their pain doesn’t have to be at its maximum, with no end in sight, forever. There are tools—as hard as they seem to pick up at first—that can truly make life more manageable and even enjoyable, as foreign as that concept may be to anyone who knows specifically what I’m talking about.
How are your personal experiences impacted by external forces—subculture, dominant culture, political rhetoric, policy shifts, the news media, social media, etc.?
I am extremely sensitive to my environment. As an example of how I have to soften the impact of external forces, I listen to music at an ultra-low, almost inaudible volume when by myself, and I never turn lights on in my house.
I apply these types of concepts to social media as well. I have to be very conscious of how much time I spend on certain information streams, how much emotional energy I choose to invest in outside factors, and overall, how much time I’m giving to other entities in comparison to how much time I am investing in my health and my happiness.
Julian Grenz of Demon In Me
San Jose, California “post-whatever” band, Demon In Me, formed in June of 2015, and have since endured several lineup changes. Currently comprised of Kylle Reece, Chad Stephens, Ciro Abraham, Julian Grenz, and Andrew Tucker, Demon In Me released their 11-song debut album, Here’s Your Way Out, via Standby Records in September of 2016.
Are there any personal experiences with mental health issues you’d like to share?
I’ve personally dealt with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager, taking various medications for both. I had a lot of issues with finding the right medication, and one of my medications that was supposed to prevent my anxiety caused me more issues. I had anxiety attacks throughout college about simple issues, and ultimately, didn’t find myself relaxing much until I found some relief through playing music.
How does your mental health status interact with or inform the way you make music?
My mental health interacts a lot with the music I create, because I personally tend to use writing music or just playing music to escape my thoughts. It helps me express a lot of my emotions, which can take shape in the overall mood of a song I’m working on. When I’ve written lyrics in the past, my personal life experiences would shape the lyrics, including my personal struggles with mental illness.
What are some mechanisms you’ve developed and/or discovered that help you cope?
Expressing your emotions is one of the most important steps to coping with mental illness. Because the issue is, when you bottle these things up, they’ll eventually come out in the form of you lashing out. Being honest about your feelings, and getting them out through a productive outlet like music or writing can not only help you, but possibly help others in understanding.
Other things that help me cope include breathing exercises to relax, occasional cups of tea, spending time with my friends, family, and pets. I’ve also found regularly exercising during the day helped with my depression; just something as simple as a light jog sometimes.
Are there ways you think the music world could better accommodate and/or include those living with mental illness?
I think it’s very difficult in the music industry for some people to find a balance between their personal lives and their work lives. This is an industry that’s based a lot on you working at all hours of the night, being as social as possible, and is high-stress, low-reward. Ultimately, I think there a lot of fans out there that deal with mental illness and understand that not every artist is having a great day or is being social, but I think there’s still a significant chunk of the world that believes artists should be absolutely happy and excited 100 percent of the time, and that’s just not realistic. I think we need to raise awareness that not everyone is going to be in a great mood at every moment, but that doesn’t make them instantly an asshole.
How are your personal experiences impacted by external forces—subculture, dominant culture, political rhetoric, policy shifts, the news media, social media, etc.?
Social media can be a very stressful thing with friends arguing over simple things—that they probably wouldn’t argue about in person—and everything you say is to an audience. It makes it so you’re basically performing at all times; you have to be on your best behavior, because anything you say can be taken out of context and posted everywhere. However, to some extent, everyone craves the attention of their friends, so nobody can delete it.
When politics interject into the mix, it can aggravate people’s anxieties or depression and cause them even more distress. However, as a generation, we have to realize it’s OK for people to step back from these websites and to focus on their mental health. Bo Burnham has an excellent piece on social media which ends with one of my favorite lines: “If you can live your life without an audience, you should do it.” I think this is very true for some people; if you can actively live your life better without these stresses, do what you can to remove them.
