Mental health is a prominent issue within the music community, so New Noise Magazine reached out to a diverse group of artists and asked them to speak about their personal experiences with mental illness. This is an exclusive ongoing spotlight—coinciding with Issue #31, The Mental Health Issue, of the print magazine—that showcases a refreshing transparency on the struggles many individuals face and the coping mechanisms they’ve developed to overcome them.
Upgrade
Upstate New York hip hop upstart, Upgrade, honed his skills as an emcee by performing alongside the likes of Mac Miller, Styles P, Chris Webby, Saigon, and Big Sean. But as his success and catalog grew, so did the intensity of his frequent panic attacks. In November of 2015, Upgrade released his musical treatise on anxiety disorder, Chemical Imbalance: Another Dose, via Equal Vision Records. Now in a better place mentally, he dropped a follow-up record, The Schmucky Thompson ExPerience, on March 24, and has plans to release a self-produced EP and another full-length for Equal Vision in 2017.
Are there any personal experiences with mental health issues you’d like to share?
I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Constant panic attacks made me become agoraphobic for two years. I continue to deal with mental health issues and still work every day on trying to improve my coping mechanics.
How does your mental health status interact with or inform the way you make music?
I made a full-length album on Equal Vision Records called Chemical Imbalance: Another Dose documenting my struggle with mental illness. It was something I felt I had to do before I could move on and continue to make music. At first, I felt it was a sign of weakness and would not be accepted, especially in hip hop, but—whether it was or not—I had to come clean with myself and put it out there. In the end, it felt empowering, and I don’t think I would be where I am today if it wasn’t for that project.
What are some mechanisms you’ve developed and/or discovered that help you cope?
I’ve tried therapy, hypnotherapy, meditation, acupuncture, reflexology, natural supplements, and what felt like endless different medications.
I still go to therapy and practice meditation regularly, but I am also on a cocktail of four different meds at the moment. I would love to be off of everything altogether, but I’m also OK with allowing myself to need the help. One of the main points I try to make is to not make other people feel like they are weak because they take meds, while someone else might be able to take a few deep breaths and be OK. We are all dealing with it in a different way, and the focus should be getting the help that you deserve to live a better life.
Are there ways you think the music world could better accommodate and/or include those living with mental illness?
There is no better feeling than having people reach out and tell me how my music has affected them in a positive way. To hear how a song got them through a tough time in their life or “saved their life” is something I will never take for granted. I think the music world could get the message out there more than they do now, but that might not be what “sells,” and unfortunately, it can sometimes take the death of an artist for anyone to realize that they were struggling with mental illness all along.
How are your personal experiences impacted by external forces—subculture, dominant culture, political rhetoric, policy shifts, the news media, social media, etc.?
Personally, I try to stay away from letting external forces impact my mental health. I keep to myself a lot and understand how most of these forces are not made to benefit my well-being. Social media can really get you into a downward spiral while you compare everyone’s highlight reel to your behind-the-scenes grieving. I can definitely understand how they can impact others, but as soon as I realize it is getting to me, I retreat back to my safe place and take a break from it.
Steve Austin of Today Is The Day
Nashville noise rockers, Today Is The Day, have been blending their wide range of musical influences—everything from noise to psychedelia to metal to rock—and influencing innumerable others since 1992. Led by founder, producer, and legendary frontman Steve Austin, the prolific band have released 10 studio albums since their inception, partnering with high-profile labels such as Amphetamine Reptile, Relapse Records, and Southern Lord. In 2016, they signed with The End Records, who dropped the band’s second compilation, Silver Anniversary, in January and are slated to release their new full-length as well as deluxe-edition reissues of their back catalog throughout 2017.
Are there any personal experiences with mental health issues you’d like to share?
My mom was extremely intense, and I was abused through Munchausen’s Disease that she had. The disease makes a parent go beyond the normal care for a child. They constantly believe there is something medically wrong with them. They take these health imperfections as flaws upon themselves and then try to fix it by taking the kid to the doctor for ailments that the kid does not have. My mother constantly was taking me to the doctor for everything and anything when I was very young. When you are 4 or 5 years old, you don’t know any different, and it seemed normal. I caught on to this, and between being physically abused and the general dysfunction of my family, I was made to be an outsider, black sheep that never could be perfect. Depression and Anxiety.
How does your mental health status interact with or inform the way you make music?
I think what happened to me made me more sensitive as a person, yet hardened to the core. I feel things deeper than I think most people do. I am more loving and caring because of it. I am also harder and meaner at times because of it. All of this needs to be worked out and the emotions expressed through my voice, guitar, and songs. Today Is The Day has been an outlet to exorcise demons and try to find spiritual enlightenment. If you are good at music, the music flows through you. Like the Force in “Star Wars.” But seriously, the greatest gift is to feel something and be able to stream-of-thought transmit that emotion through sound.
What are some mechanisms you’ve developed and/or discovered that help you cope?
My wife, kids, dogs, chickens, ducks, and our isolated little family farm keeps me happy. They’re the greatest in the world. Love is the answer for anyone with emotional problems. I was so unhappy before I met my wife. I had been in a miserable relationship for eight years and constantly hated my life. When I finally met my true love, it changed everything and gave me real hope. The life that we have built together is strong and made of love, kindness, and giving. I give my all and everything to them.
Are there ways you think the music world could better accommodate and/or include those living with mental illness?
Yes, by everyone being truly honest in their songwriting. You don’t always have to be the cool guy. You don’t always have to perform or sing things that make you look cool. Sometimes, sharing the ugly side of things—hideous thoughts, venomous ideas, sordid fantasies, and all of the real darkness that you experience—would be nice, because the people who are experiencing these things would have something or someone to relate to.
How are your personal experiences impacted by external forces—subculture, dominant culture, political rhetoric, policy shifts, the news media, social media, etc.?
I said goodbye to all of that shit a long time ago. I moved to a remote part of Maine near New Brunswick, Canada. I heat my home with a wood stove, we cook with a propane stove, [use] well water, and grow our own vegetables. If the power goes out, we have a generator. The Britney Spears/Kardashian world is not something I want to know about. We live real lives and eat real food. We go boating, swimming, hunting, and we enjoy the outdoors and nature. My kids have never been exposed to all of that crap, except for the internet. Politics and social media are distractions from what is real and what is not.
Love someone, care about someone. Take care of yourself. Be your healer. Live to make others feel good and happy. Love is the answer, and always look towards the light.
