“A term that I’ve heard a lot—and used myself a lot [over] the past two years—is the idea of a ‘failed relationship,’” Kiley Lotz, the mastermind behind Pennsylvania’s Petal, comments about “Stardust,” the final track on Magic Gone, released via Run For Cover Records on June 15. “In my mind, I go, ‘Is a failed relationship any one that doesn’t end in marriage?’ Because if that’s the case, then, you know, I’ve been failing at relationships since my fourth-grade boyfriend.”
The theme of failure in relationships—in particular, with oneself—is deeply rooted across Magic Gone, but as the final piano notes ring out in “Stardust,” there is an awareness of feeling OK while being heartbroken. “That idea of failure is something I tend to fixate on, and depression and anxiety are things I tend to fixate on,” Lotz explains. “Now, I see [that looking] at that relationship as being a failure is wrong, because on the other side of it, I have proven to myself that I can take care of myself and learn to love myself and find value in living that doesn’t have to come from the affirmation of other people.”
Throughout the dark journey of Magic Gone’s writing process, the songwriter sought help, finding a different way to present her human essence instead of faking it. In that way, the album adapted a duality within its creation that very much defined Lotz’ discovery of healing.
In the album art, behind and centering Lotz, is a starkly divided white and red background. These two colors visually bring to life the dualism of the songs. “The white side represents side A, and the red side represents side B,” Lotz comments. “Side A, I’m trying to keep it together and present myself in an OK way, and the red [means I] have to make a bolder choice, which was the scarier one in confronting a lot of my issues and being honest about them.” The singer confesses that red is too bold to wear, and she flipped her life upside down to embody the color.
Side A kicks off with a bit of bitter grace with the loud “Better Than You.” The following songs seem to resemble a slight breakdown, with Lotz stripping down to her voice and more acoustic instruments, including piano, on “I’m Sorry,” “Comfort,” and “Shy.” The slow burn of the tracks exposes an intimacy in the record, with Lotz finally being at a place to discuss the aspects of coming out and facing the nature of relationships ending.
As side B starts, the title track spirals into a revealing crescendo of lyrics, ending on: “The magic gone / And that solemn look upon your face that says / ‘We’re finally growing up.’” This cornerstone of Magic Gone is telltale of the difficulties of loving oneself, of staring into the mirror and realizing that this is not OK. Lotz opens up, stating that the lyrics could apply to “ending a relationship or coming out or taking time away from stuff that you love so you can focus on yourself. At that point, loving myself wasn’t really high on my list of things to do or to think about. I didn’t really care that I knew who I was, because that would feel like I would be opening Pandora’s box, and I wanted to keep doing what I was doing, which was not that healthy.”
Descending through Petal’s latest record leads the listener to meet a different individual as “Stardust” rings through. “It’s the closing track on the record because it does feel like a sigh of relief, but it doesn’t answer the questions,” Lotz says. “It’s not like, ‘I found the answer. End the record.’ It’s more like, “OK, this is the truth. This is where I am at. I am prepared to move forward, whatever that looks like.’”
The slow-moving waltz pacing of the track brings an end to the dance of two years’ worth of Lotz working through insecurities about relationships and failure, finally opening up to the healing that the future can bring.
