Album Review: Gronibard – Regarde Les Hommes Sucer (Engl. Watch Men Suck)

No band can throw a party in the pants like homo-porno grinders Gronibard. This French five-piece fire off a phallic fiesta for the ages with their new release Regarde Les Hommes Sucer, ejaculating 16 tracks of absurd goregrind ditties aching to be performed at the next Obscene Extreme Fest (appropriately in the nude like their remarkable 2011 performance).

The erection begins similarly to most tracks on the record: with French spoken dialogue, introducing “Fast Gays of Humanity.” Cumming after the intro is a murky grind section where drummer Godemichel makes his presence immediately known with his hellacious blasts. We’re mostly subjected to lead vocalist Anal Capone’s cupped guttural growls in this opener. It isn’t until the bridge in the second track, “L’Enfer des Zombites”, that his wacky mezzo clean voice squirts forth prominently.

“Mon Siamois Maléfique” is the full-length’s first single, featuring a playful, mischievous hook that will frolic in your head. Its verse showcases outlandish falsetto vibratos, mimicking Tarzan swinging on a vine … by his balls.

Early in “Lady Boy,” there’s a quaint “ooh la la” muttered—they couldn’t help their French selves—and later on in the song, they bust out a sweet Mortician-style big top circus riff. There’s a cock-rockin’ breakdown chorus in “Finger in Anus” and plenty more zany vocals including rapid tongue-flops during its bridge. The queer oral sounds take a rest in two instrumental tracks, ” Intermerde 1,” and “Intermerde 2,” as well as partially in “Unholy Horses of Evil,” in which a guest horse neighs over utterly ruthless blasts.

“Sperm Smoker” flaunts a chorus with hardcore gangbang vocals repeating its title and some exhales laden with sexual innuendo. Compelling pit-stomping riffs steal the show in “Le Monstre des Zizis,” piggybacked by a demented guitar lead over a nefarious rhythm for its ending. “Individual Thought Pâté” may or may not be a parody of Death’s Individual Thought Patterns; nothing about the music or vocals suggest it is, but maybe the lyrics give cues. I’d need a French translator to clear that up.

Gronibard busts out surprises to the very end of the album, capping it off with two blackened grind loads, the title track and “De Mysterfriize Pomme Bananas,” with the latter incorporating more folk elements comparatively. Crestfallen tremolo riffs and heavily reverberated vocals set the proper black metal mood in the finisher, and the guest horse makes a brief reappearance as well.

If you take your metal too seriously, you will absolutely hate this band and everything about this album. You’ll also be assed out of a great time. With its sissy-boy singalongs, unhinged instrumentation, and over-the-top subject matter, Regarde Les Hommes Sucer has more than enough flash to keep your attention and your funny boner tickled. Produced, mixed, and masturbated by Frédéric Pecqueur at Studio C&P, this slapstick is oddly releasing via Season of Mist, a label that typically represents darker acts, on May 20.

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