3TEETH
<shutdown.exe>
(OMF Records)
Turning on <shutdown.exe>, I wanted to like it. Upon first listen to the sophomore album of 3TEETH, my mind wanders and my eyes roll. I don’t mean that they ambly get lost as I’m transported to the deteriorated, forlorn landscape that the band think they’re creating, I mean they roll back like, “This bit is rather trite.” Upon second listen with a fresh outlook and open mind, I think, “Yeah, this is about as special as a fan boy-recording from the high school battle of the bands.” It’s a competition to see how much drivel I can withstand.
The album is as original as the bands two decades ago that wore pipe jeans, scatted garble into the mic and thought they were going to hit the road with Korn. Only here, lead singer (British Bronson look-alike) Alexis Mincolla is clamoring to be at the doorstep of his industrial hero Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails. Over time, this predecessor has scored thick, anguished tracks of personal struggle, and has felt just as appropriate when scoring soundtracks for 2014’s Gone Girl. They came from a genuine pit of despair in the human condition. 3TEETH, not so much.
“Atrophy” couldn’t sound any more sampled from early Nine Inch Nails than if Vanilla Ice were at the production panel. Dropping in Downward Spiral era thuds and climbing, sex-synthed Broken riffs—Reznor should be getting royalties. Other tracks find Mincolla cringing out growls in the pained tone of Marilyn Manson. Some vocals filter through with the party-pop grime of Rob Zombie. Inspiration comes from everywhere, and informs what an individual creates—It’s just absurd when those layers seem so transparent. Kudos to 3TEETH, I suppose, for at least this generic output landed them some opening spots on tour with Tool last year.
The cover art looks like another teenage-angst project decked out in feathered gradients and knee-jerk tones of black and red. There’s even a non-descript head looking to the floor with a UPC code on the skull. “Oh shit, the corporations own you!” The only way it could get anymore inauthentic and heavy-handed would be to add a crying eye at 50% transparency. (Please don’t add the eye.) If you’re uninitiated with the slew of musicians referenced above … maybe you’ll dig this. Look at terrible, unoriginal bands like Creed, somehow that worked for a lot of people. Okay, alright, well let’s just meet midway and rename this album. I suggest Chubs For Trent.
